90 Days of ILP

My office is located next to a group home for, er, "disturbed" adults, as in last year one of them took off all her clothes and threatened to jump off the roof. Anyways, their patio has a perfect view through the window of the main room of our office, which is a converted dance studio. This is the context in which I decided to do the 3-Body Workout at 7:30 am this morning. I popped in the "Out-of-the-Box ILP" CD, stood in the center of the room, closed my eyes, and listened with my hands folded in front of me. As I imagined myself "extending into the infinitie vastness of space" or whatever, someone within that infinite space started laughing at me. And then another. And then another. They were standing on their patio watching me. The 3-Body Workout became a 1-Body workout, and I sat back down at my desk, red-faced.

Over the course of the day, it became pretty clear right now which two modules I need to work on most: Body and Spirit. My 12,000-ton shadows and subconscious Go-Bots are scary in themselves, and my mental abilities barely rival that of a well-trained chimp with a Ken Wilber: Super-Thinker! backpack, but for my body and, uh, "spirit", the situation is far worse.

I have been exercising pretty much every day since the Fall of 1992, when I joined the high school wrestling team. This past November, I stopped everything: no more running, swimming, biking, walking, lifting, nada. As one might expect, I grew a bit of a gut. My back started hurting. I got little headaches. I became addicted to protein bars (for the convenience, not the muscles). What was once a proud physical platform -- a mighty aircraft carrier launching thousands of vitality-powered jet fighters through the sortie clouds of life -- was become akin to a mat of seaweed in a shallow bay, riddled with trash.

And so, Mr. ILP Kit, this is my challenge to you: get me in shape. I don't have a coach, I can't afford a gym, and I'm lazy as shit. Your work is cut out for you. Where should I start -- arm curls?

Now about that spirit. To be blunt: I think it sucks. Spirituality: I don't get it. I obsessed about it for years, read a lot of Watts and Wilber, even had some mystical this-or-thats, but I'm still stuck as to the point of "waking up" (which is ironic, given the tagline of the ILP kit). I'd rather just have a healthy, effective ego that got shit done.

So, before I "wake up to serve all beings", I need to cultivate some more basic qualities in my ADD-rattled brain: stuff like basic concentration, enough self-awareness to know when I am getting obsessively caught up in something, an ability to step back and just BREATHE sometimes.

That's why, just to start things, I'm going to start with one of the most basic meditations contained on the "Meditation with Form" CD: counting my breathes. Like this:

1... 2... 3... Porn... 5... Sex... 7... 8...

Oy vey.