90 Days of ILP

Today I recorded an Integral Naked: Therapia phone call with Big Mind teacher Diane Musho Hamilton, by far one of the most amazing human beings I've had the pleasure of meeting this past year (if all goes well, this should be the feature on IN this coming Monday). The core issue we drilled into was my obsession with the Romantic Artist archetype. Basically, in the last 6 months or so, I've become a workaholic, addicted to the feeling of my own creative output.  As such, I really don't want to do anything else besides write, make art, do design, record music, and brainstorm. Sleep? Feh. Eat right? Poo. Meditate? Yawn.

After giving her the general picture, Diane asked to do some voice work. First, she asked to speak to The Controller, that part of me that insures my survival and guards my boundaries (in the Big Mind process, the Controller is basically the dude that lets the counselor talk to all the other voices). It seems my Controller is freaked out by my manic creative death drive to burn myself out by age 30. She then asked to speak to The Muse. The Muse, it turns out, is a very powerful entity. And it doesn't give a shit about little Paul. Once it's done using me to manifest some work out into the world, it will move on to someone else. Unfortunately, the feeling of being in service to The Muse is addictive.

Diane then asked to speak to the voice of Artistic Discipline, whose job it is to hold The Muse in check and not let her beat the shit out of me. Turns out, the AD is doing a terrible job, and The Controller is not pleased. [I know this sounds like some ridiculous psychodynamic melodrama, but it actually works!] So she asked to speak to the voice of Wisdom, who is also freaked out by the insanity of the Muse.

We then sat in silence, on the phone, for a full 2 minutes, resting in the space of not-knowing. Then, out of nowhere, my invented Voice of the Creative Problem Solver chose to speak. This voice is unshakeable, confident, ruthless. He was looking at the clouds, utterly convinced they held a lesson for him he could use to solve this whole Muse ordeal.

Without getting into the details, in the end I realized that I need some positive counter-archetypes to the "romantic artist" role model. Oddly enough, Picasso emerged as this for me by sheer dint of his longevity, a long-shot for me if I continue on my present sleepless course. So now, as a part of my Mind Module, I'm going to be studying the lives of the great, long-term, consistent genius artists. No more Jim Morrisons or Jimi Hendrixes. I need someone more sustainable.

I also realized I could incorporate this deconstruction of the "romantic artist" in my Shadow Module. Furthermore, to counteract the deadening effects of constant computer time, a new, easier commitment to exercise in the Body Module must be embraced. And finally, a few open spaces, read: Spirit Module.

I know it sounds overly simplistic. I'm sure there's stuff I'm leaving out. But it's a start.


[Oh yeah,  click here to get the kit fo' yo'self!]