Rednecks Are About to Get Redder

Introducing "Star Wars" NASCAR, the next level of motorsports, wherein logo-festooned rocket planes will tear through the atmosphere to the delight of millions of levitating rocket-fans. And we all know what happens in the upper atmosphere, where the ozone layer gets thinner: skin burns quicker, and farmer tans become even worse. And no longer may NASCAR fans claim "country" status. Imagine that: space is conquered not by the urban and tech-savvy, but by tractor drivers and moonshiners. God help us.