Condom Island

[No, I am not making this up:
http://www.unknowncountry.com/news/?id=4636]

I am the all-fucking, all-consuming BEAST lurking at the bottom of your
oceans. I am Cthulu, I am the anti-coral, I am the product of endless
acts of human lust practiced in the fearful "safe" manner. The irony,
of course, is that 300 million of these "safe" acts have produced ME,
the most lethal, devasting floating eco-disaster since the Exon Valdez
bloodied the Alaskan seaboard with crude amounts of crude. But I'm also
filled with cum.

Think about it: 300 million used condoms, 99 Quadrazillion dead sperm.
That's a lot of dead babies! That's a lot of wasted male ejaculate! And
there's a whole insland of -- ME! -- floating in the middle of nowhere,
in the vast saltwater WASTES of the Pacific, where just over 50 years
ago massive aircraft carrier battles waged their imperial way too and
fro, and countless Nip fighter pilots willingly tossed their
fighter-clad bodies into the wooden/waiting decks of so many
unfortunate Yankee clippers, cruisers, tankers, destroyers, frigates,
and battleships. So much wasted male fluid hurling itself into the
Pacific, all to produce ME, the all-seeing spirit of frustrated
masculinity.

Wherever men practice safe sex, a little bit of energy is lost, and it
accumulates deep down where dolphins drown, and soon, one day, it -- I
-- will rise up, dousing the coastlines of the world in a decrepit
murk of sickening grotesque latex, spermicide, and jizz. Then, and only
then, may we speak of Male Liberation.