So So Tired / Buddy Lists of the Future

Sometimes I seriously think I have AIDS, or Cancer, or Super Retarded
Being Tired All the Time Syndrome times a million. Its all I can do to
put in 3 hours of work, have some food, and pass out on the couch with
my contacts in. I need a robotic manservant, or a Red Bull drip, or a
swift boot in the ass (a live-in drill sergeant?), SOMETHING to keep me
going all day.

In the future, we will all by hyperlinked to a buddy list of teachers,
mentors, mentees, and students who will net us in a web of mutual
support and transparent regard. No more of this writing out of long
emails to people confessing one's daily weaknesses. From now on you
will have a constant 24/7 instant messenger video feed connected
directly to your brain. You will be able to lay on your couch, food
coma in full effect, and poll your teaching cluster about your next
actions for that evening.

"Should I keep sleeping?" you think aloud.

"Only if the Emptiness compels you," thinks back Barry, the gay Zen
teacher you met in Minneapolis.

"Not while there's a world of suffering," replies ZZiggy-Zoggy 24-j,
and egregore of 147 different mensch-type souls form throughout the
world across the ages.

"Fuck dude, sleep all day!" says your comedy supervisor from the
conmforts of his space station.

"Consider masturbating again," says Gwendolyn, the men's health expert
whose video blog you've been a subscriber to since July 2008.

You may, of course, just continue to lie there, staring at the cieling
as your eyes blink madly, seeking to conjure an entire new life for
yourself where the energy suit/armor you've donned does NOT physically
quail at the site of a pile of quinoa with kale and bean sprouts on top
(today's healthy meal course today, by the way).

But then you rollover, spilling your half-eaten robobowl of
pain-flavored Nanocrisps, and Reach for your glass of Meth-Enhanced
MegaFuel Green-T Cyborg Lube for Dummies.